Category Archives: Random Stuff

Huffington Post Divorce: Relationships, Capital and the Sudden Bachelor

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This recent article http://www.mnn.com/money/personal-finance/stories/why-divorce-is-bad-for-the-economy posits that divorce is bad for the economy because of the resulting depletion of human capital.  Inarguable.  But after two failed marriages and being under financial pressure ever since, I have come to focus on another kind of capital– relationship capital. Yes divorce costs massive financial capital on a personal and, according to the article, societal level.  Some of end up paying for it for decades.  But more fundamentally, divorce is the result of a loss of capital in the relationship itself.

For those readers still in a relationship– albeit maybe hanging by a thread– or those contemplating (or fearing) plunging into new ones (that’s right I used that metaphor, deal with it), the punch line of my cautionary tale is the formula: relationship capital = time X (mutual love and respect).

Now, let me backtrack from being formulaic to say- if we marry young, it’s  likely we picked
wrong.  How likely?  50% likely.  Oversimplified?  Yeah, so?  It makes my head hurt less.  If you pick wrong, the above formula doesn’t apply.  Instead you’re in a half-life situation.  The relationship has a half life since infatuation, great sex, whatever drew you in, will serve as glue for just so long until ultimately, you become rubber, she becomes glue and the relationship lessens in romance at a rate of 50% per year (that’s right, makes my head hurt less) until all that’s left is a teeny tiny thread of connection which eventually is broken by a butterfly or rose petal alighting on it.  And then, after two years or ten, after two kids or maybe just a Bassett hound, you bite the bullet, possibly so big you break a tooth or bank or two, get set back like 10 years in every way possible, and chalk it up to youthful inexperience.  Actually, forget that, you will probably blame your spouse, because who wants to blame ourselves?

But lets say you picked right.  Well, for starters “right” is not absolute here.  Nothing is, except the sky, global
warming, the fact that Mitt Romney will say anything and its opposite to get elected, the fact that everyone we know will die someday.  That’s right, die.  Buzzkill?   Read on!  Right means you actually thought about it when not having an orgasm.

New Words For SB: Pinking

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Pinking- Penis thinking

No news here.  We know guys think with their penises, leading us down the road to ruin again and again from the launch of a thousand ships to Weiner’s wiener.  Here’s the thing- Weiner’s approach to penile cogitation is an object lesson- on HOW TO DO IT!  In other words how to avoid sudden bachelorhood notwithstanding the waggish ways of your wiener.

What Weiner did was harmless.  Lying about it was not.  As is so often the case in courtrooms and careers, it’s the lie that does you in, not the act.  So men who are married and being led astray by your wiener?  Try virtual sex.  Openly.  Ideally with spousal permission.  In at least some marriages, if virtual sex substitutes for actual a couple nights a week it may be a welcome respite from nightly sexual expectations from horny husbands?  Or- it may be a good predicate to hot sex, you shop online but you buy at home?  Whatever that saying is.

Will you get spousal permission to have virtual sex?  Probably not, because no one can accept that the wiener will have its way regardless of what we say.  So the alternative- if the choice is between an actual tryst or a virtual one (i.e. you are just another guy with weak will when it comes to the wiener) is the virtual one.  If you get caught, own up immediately.  Is this worse than jerking off with a copy of penthouse?  Yes, but not all that much.  Am I engaging in pinking?  You bet.

Guest Post: Six Things Your Kitchen Should Never Be Without

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Editor’s note: This post comes from our pal Katie, who is a marketing coordinator for Food Service Warehouse.

When it comes to cooking, you may be miles away from being the next Wolfgang Puck. And let’s be honest: your friends (and any lady friends in your life) probably prefer it that way. Still, as an emerging, independent and self-sufficient adult male, the ability to hold your own in the kitchen is one of those things you can’t afford to put off forever. As awesome as it sounds to live off of Top Ramen and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for the rest of your life, those days should have ended after you left college.

This guide offers six must-have kitchen supplies to get you started on the right foot. We promise that these simple items will give you the opportunity to start cooking up meals like the pros…or at least a little better than you were before.  And hey, you may even impress someone along the way.

1. Chef’s Knife

Every kitchen needs a reliable knife, and a chef’s knife is a good place to start. A good chef’s knife has a blade at least eight inches long made of carbon steel or stainless steel, or an amalgam of the two. Choose a forged knife over a stamped knife, since it pays to invest in something that will last—especially if this is your only kitchen knife. Be sure to hand-wash your chef’s knife to keep it in prime condition.

2. Cutting Board

No use for a chef’s knife unless you have the right surface to cut on. Cutting boards help save your countertops from nicks, and they also provide a food-safe surface that can extend the length of your cutting utensils. Cutting boards come in plastic or wood varieties of all shapes and sizes. Select wood if you prefer a heavy board with a natural look. However, plastic cutting boards are generally easier to clean and less likely to harbor bacteria. It is even more preferable to select several different cutting boards that you can use for different types of foods, which will go the extra mile to prevent cross-contamination. No salmonella here! Continue reading →

Guest Post: No Bears At The Beach

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Editor’s note: This post comes from Maria Bastet  - a hair removal enthusiast who blogs on all topics concerning the subject. You can find more of her articles located HairRemoval.org.

Chest hair is a good thing. It sets you apart from the effeminate bodies of the 98-pound weaklings on the beach. It’s an evolutionary fact: women are attracted to men who exhibit higher levels of testosterone, and chest hair is one of the main ways you show it. (Thick facial hair can be, too, but that ebbs and flows. Rather than a full beard, you may be better off with a moustache. Hey, it’s worked for Tom Selleck all these years, right?)

That evolutionary impulse has its limitations, however. Hair where it’s not supposed to be – on the back, for example – pushes potential mates away. The lesson here is this: if you want to meet girls at the beach this summer, get rid of that rug on your back.

So, how do you do it? Well, if you’ve seen 40 Year-Old Virgin, you know that waxing isn’t just for women anymore. Waxing works like this:

  1. Spread a thin layer of hot wax material over your back hair.
  2. Apply a cloth strip to the wax.
  3. Rip it off in a quick fashion.
  4. Scream like the little schoolgirl you are.
  5. Repeat every 2-8 weeks. Continue reading →

Guest Post: Been Through A Break-up or Divorce? Throw a B.I.G. Party!

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Editor’s note: This post comes from the B.I.G. party crew (b*tch and/or bastard is gone).

It’s Saturday night at the Cellar Pub in the small ski town of Sun Valley, Idaho.  There’s nothing unusual about the bustling scene of après ski revelers with the exception of a group huddled around one end of the bar.  To the casual onlooker you could be forgiven for thinking that a birthday celebration was at the heart of this group’s festive spirit.  Each of the 20 guests are wearing the same Black baseball cap with Nick’s B.I.G. Celebration stitched in white on the front.  But it was not a birthday celebration that prompted this joyous occasion.  A closer examination of the back of the baseball cap and the B.I.G acronym is revealed in all its glory - B*tch Is Gone! (www.bitchisgone.com)  Yep, Nick and all his friends (male and female) are celebrating his divorce.

It turns out Nick signed the divorce papers earlier in the week ending a long year of misery dealing with his ex-wife and her lawyer.  The details of what his ex-wife did that led to the divorce seemed common knowledge in the bar, and there was no shortage of people lined up to buy him a drink. Continue reading →

True Stories of Sudden Bachelors: Mike

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Editor’s note: We’re introducing a new column here at SB – “True Stories.” These are real-life Sudden Bachelor’s writing in. For all you reader’s out there – please feel free to comment and give our brothers some advice and encouragement.

My Ex-wife and I were living together and she began going over to this guy’s house, who we both knew. First it was for the afternoon or for the morning or for the evening and then she wound up going for the morning and would not come home! I was left alone at home by myself. I filed for divorce and now that it’s final, I find adjusting very difficult. We had been married for almost twenty years! I don’t go to bars much and I barely drink, so I didn’t fall into that route as so many do. She now is living with this guy. I ran into her two times last year and I always feel uncomfortable around her. I don’t speak to him – as he repulses me (he has let his beard and hair grow and it’s greasy and smelly and he has gone from fat to obese and he seldom bathes and stinks!) There are times I am happy by myself and there are times that I wish I had all of the tender loving moments that a couple share. I do however mentally find it hard to adjust to.

New Words For SB: Sailure

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sailure = successful failure

See also dailure (dazzling failure), and the converse concept from a recent missive, cictory (catastrophic victory).

I try to be topical here. But I don’t always succeed. I guess I’m being topical in the sense that some newords have kind of amorphous application, to various points in life and/or history. Yes I’m that delusional and self-aggrandizing. No I don’t really think that. ;)

Maybe the political root canal just past- or possibly just begun? – which we call an election is an example. If you’re of my political persuasion, we snatched defeat in 2010 from the jaws of resounding victory in 2008. And yet, in the mud of defeat potentially sprout the seeds of victory, if the tea party is actually held to some standard of accountability and their emperor’s clothes are exposed for the tattered red white and blue fakery they really are?

That’s about as topical as I can get right now. On a more personal level I speak as someone who has had two marriages end, and whose relationship from college has begun anew, right here in midlife. Also as someone who believes in the chrysalis concept of human life, that the chrysalis we develop in can last through adolescence or it can last through a generation or two of one life. It all depends. There are no rules. Was it a failure not to stay married? Or not to have stayed from college til now with the person who it turns out is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with? Is it that what failed way back then can therefore succeed now?  Or that it’s success to transition from a relationship that isn’t working to one that wasn’t ready to work all those years ago? What is success and what is failure? And is my asking this just another manifestation of the unmooring effect of midlife? Continue reading →

Guest Post: Back To Bachelor

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Editor’s note: Today’s great post comes from our friend Ivana.

When you’ve had your heart torn brutally to pieces right in front of your eyes – or a slightly less dramatic metaphor, whatever you’re imagining – it’s difficult to pick up the pieces and resume the carefree, liberal bachelorhood you abandoned all that time ago. If you don’t watch out, you’ll find yourself putting on weight and working on a closer relationship with your Xbox, or worse still, identifying with every Coldplay song and crying over the Jeremy Kyle show.

While there’s nothing wrong with daytime telly, takeaways and a healthy addiction to games consoles, this behaviour won’t exactly get you back on the bachelor track in style. Yes, your pride has been dented. It’s probably about the equivalent of decking it face first at an ice rink. But what you need to do now is get up, brush yourself off and skate on, head held high. You owe it to bachelors everywhere. Here are five ways to resume bachelorhood in style and get straight back on the dating scene…


1) Get back in shape…
Exercise is a fantastic way to distract yourself, especially from the pangs of a break-up. You can imagine your ex’s face on the punch bag and take out every ounce of anger on it. You can exhaust yourself to the extent that you collapse into undisturbed peaceful sleeps each night. You can let the endorphins generated by exercise wipe away any negative thoughts. And this will ultimately work towards honing your body into the chiselled physique that every true bachelor should possess…


2) Get back on the field…
Focus on your passions. Whether this is football, golf or photography, it’s great to devote time to something completely unconnected with your personal crisis. Plus, it’s probably healthy to be in the all-male environment of most team sports just now. Continue reading →

SB News: For Sale By Divorce – A Real Estate Niche

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Sudden Bachelorhood can be hard enough but add in trying to sell a home that you and your ex both own, and you’ve got a potential nightmare on your hands. It doesn’t have to be all bad. Turns out there are actually realtors who specialize in divorce real estate. We spotted this piece on NPR. Give a listen below to the radio broadcast or read the full story.

Download:

A separating couple often needs to sell their home to split the money and finalize the divorce. The terrible housing market can make the situation even worse. But there are some real estate agents who specialize in helping such clients move on.

With three kids under the age of 5, Hourieh Mansoori’s husband walked out.

“I was confused as to what was happening to me after 10 years of marriage,” she says. “You know, you think it’s for better or for worse, and he’s not there to help me, and I was in basically a confusion state of mind.”

Still, she had to put her house on the market — a market in which her neighbors’ homes weren’t selling. And the house had to sparkle while she packed it up to move from Washington state to Texas.

“At the time when you’re going through the most difficult time of your life — … they call divorce worse than death — to have someone that’s there for you and assists you and makes you feel like they’re here to help you in every step of the way with selling your house, it’s really, it’s god-sent,” Mansoori says.

Scott Weeda was Mansoori’s Realtor. “Really it’s a simple, singular goal, and that’s to, as efficiently as possible, get to the end of the road, which is the sale of their home,” he says. Click here to read the full piece.

SB News: Sudden Bachelors & Sex Tapes

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Let’s face it – divorce (or any type of break up) can get ugly. Here’s a pretty extreme case spotted on NY Daily News: Ex-Husband Threatens Ex-Wife With Release Of Sex Tapes. It’s hard to say who’s telling the truth in this one – the Sudden Bachelor or the Sudden Bachelorette – either way it’s just plain foul.

A Manhattan party girl says her investor hubby is threatening to post steamy sex videos of her online if she doesn’t accept a lowball divorce settlement, court papers say.
Lily Shang, 24, has asked a judge to stop soon-to-be ex-husband David Rucker from releasing the raunchy tapes, which supposedly show the couple having sex in their swanky former Battery Park City pad. Rucker told Shang he would edit himself out of the videos and make them public – unless the sexy brunette plays ball in divorce negotiations, according to the filing in Manhattan Supreme Court. The accused bedroom auteur, who manages a downtown investment firm, says he’d never release the salacious footage.
“That would damage me, since I actually have a career,” Rucker, 26, told the Daily News in an exclusive interview, taking a shot at his club-hopping wife.
“It’s almost comical,” he said. Rucker, a top-dog at Golden Archer Investments, said Shang refuses to even answer his calls about a possible divorce settlement. “She’s just trying to make me look bad,” he said.

A Manhattan party girl says her investor hubby is threatening to post steamy sex videos of her online if she doesn’t accept a lowball divorce settlement, court papers say.Lily Shang, 24, has asked a judge to stop soon-to-be ex-husband David Rucker from releasing the raunchy tapes, which supposedly show the couple having sex in their swanky former Battery Park City pad.Rucker told Shang he would edit himself out of the videos and make them public – unless the sexy brunette plays ball in divorce negotiations, according to the filing in Manhattan Supreme Court.The accused bedroom auteur, who manages a downtown investment firm, says he’d never release the salacious footage.”That would damage me, since I actually have a career,” Rucker, 26, told the Daily News in an exclusive interview, taking a shot at his club-hopping wife.”It’s almost comical,” he said.Rucker, a top-dog at Golden Archer Investments, said Shang refuses to even answer his calls about a possible divorce settlement. “She’s just trying to make me look bad,” he said. Read the full story here.