Sogamy- serial monogamy.
There’s no reason this neword should sound so much like sodomy. Except maybe that we are all animals. To quote the immortal words of Bloodhound Gang- only because my son listened to this song so repetitively when he was that age that it’s ingrained in the membrane- You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.
In certain (toxic?) bachelor circles, to admit to monogamy as a goal is to admit to something shameful. What- not be a poon hound when not in wedlock (lock being the operative word for this crowd)? UnAmerican! Stop being a- well, word that rhymes with stussy.
But I digress. Again.
Some of us SBs have trouble with the B part of Sudden Bachelor. We don’t see bachelorhood as a goal but rather as a condition.
The sudden part can suck too, like having your clothes ripped off on a cold night, outside in the dark, and then someone turns the headlights of their pickup truck right on you and you are surrounded by dozens of your now-former friends and lovers on the high school field, yes, back on the high school field, then the flood lights around the field all go on with a huge noise like a pop as if in preparation for the game, and you are standing butt naked- or is it buck naked? You are standing there, your breath forming frosty clouds in front of you which you wish would turn into thick smoke so you could vanish.
Well, anyway, bottom line some of us like or need to be in a relationship that lasts longer than a night. We go for serial monogamy. Continue reading
Editor’s note: Today’s great post comes from one of our friends at DatingSite.org.
The divorce has been finalized and there you are sitting on your couch watching another sitcom about a new-age family when the thought crosses your mind: Why not go online?
For some men dating sites
are seen as relinquishing the primal urge to hunt for a mate; the sense of struggle we receive from the chase that lets us know she’s worth our commitment. But like many things, modernity has obscured our instinct and instead replaced it with convenience and efficiency. The 1950’s required hand-written letters and flowered arrivals, but the 2000’s seem to be about Facebook, retweeting, and the perfect text response. The online age can be a massive change for a newly single man looking to date. Here are a few tips to help navigate the online dating world.
- Truth Be Told: You are an honest guy, so don’t post the photo of you in your college bathing suit if you no longer resemble that strapping of a stud. Find a nice digital photo of you smiling and enjoying your life. Your age, city, status as a divorcee, number of kids, job title, and interests should all represent you. There is a major crisis of confidence among some men about their standing in life, don’t be that guy. Understand that you have the wisdom (and scars) of a long time relationship and truth can be just as sexy as fake abs and a spray-on tan. Even if you know that your existence is a bit tough to sell, remember that we are all a little screwed up.
- Modesty is the Best Policy: Yes, honesty was one, but please Heaven don’t get Jersey Shore about your possessions. Even if you value them as a representation of your hard work, you should keep from flaunting them online. Some men have chosen to lean against their car in their online profile shot, or not-so-discreetly feature their $10k wristwatch. This cock-assuredness will get you results, but not from women with long term compatibility. Play it bland and play it honest. Women love surprises, so if you have a beautiful Paneri why not wait until date three or four and throw her for a loop? Fail to do so and your shiny piece of bait will only attract a woman with a large shovel and impish heart.
- Email is Sexy Again (Kinda): There was a time when the thought of meaningful interpersonal communication coming online was thought impossible. Work emails are the reality, but in a world that is tweeting, Facebooking, and texting, a long form email has appeal. You can offer more thoughts than could ever be found in 140 characters and when well-written you can express desires in a medium that is comfortable to both you and your date. If done well email can be the equivalent of letter writing, it can display an uncommon effort to communicate and connect – which many women find romantic and appealing. However, remember to separate those complexities from your text and Facebooking, which are still useful as less formal and sometimes more public forms of communication.
- Try, Try Again: There are dozens of dating sites offering users the opportunity for several types of relationship connections. Sites like eHarmony.com and Chemistry.com are meant for finding a long term mate. Others, like fitnesssingles.com is for a niche audience, like those interested in working out as a couple. You’ll need to do some research to find out about each site and what they offer. Match and others have a guarantee of companionship that buffers first-time users who might be watching the pocketbook. Just be certain you are committed to putting your best image forward.
No matter the service or companion, the most important thing to remember is that confidence, not conceit, is attractive. Losing a partner is difficult, you might be struggling with trust issues and personal matters on a daily basis, but finding a new partner is less about springing old drama on new flesh as it is an opportunity to realize your expectations with a fresh face. The road to recovery can be troubled but maintaining a positive, confident outlook online and off is always most important.
Sudden Bachelors – we spotted this post – Get Back In The Game – at askmen.com. It speaks specifically to Y.O.U..
So, you’ve dumped her. Or she’s dumped you. Either way, once you find yourself single, thoughts soon come around to meeting new women. But getting back in the game, especially after a long-term relationship, can be daunting.
The first steps back in the world of dating should not to be taken lightly. You shouldn’t attempt to bed new women to take revenge on your ex, whether your aim is to lure her back with jealousy or you think this will help you get over her. You should do it because you’re a single guy and that’s what single guys do.
It goes without saying that you have to be completely over your ex before you get back into the game. Women will immediately pick up on it if you’re using them to distract yourself or numb the pain. Exactly how long it will take to reach this stage varies: Some will find themselves cruising around the local pickup spots the very next weekend, while others may find it takes months before they can even look at another woman.
No matter what, it’s worth the wait, because the single life rules.
Cheer up then gear up
Immediately after the breakup, you’re going to be miserable. Somehow you’ll be bringing every conversation around to her, you’ll find yourself planning how to get her back and generally lamenting the fact that everyone else is happy while you are in hell.
Approaching other women with all this going on is definitely a bad idea. Women can smell depression and desperation a mile off, and the scent is not appealing to them. You might think a one-night stand or even a new relationship is a good way to get over her, but the inevitable rejection will batter your confidence and make you feel 10 times worse.
Instead of dwelling on your ex and the relationship, remember the good side of being single: all those late nights with the boys, the freedom to do what you want when you want and, most importantly, with whom you want. When you stop thinking that there’s something missing from your life and start to relish the idea of being single, then it’s time to start bedding other women.
If you’re honest, you’ll admit that there were times when you were with your ex that you envied those who were single. Well, start smiling again, because now you’re one of them…
Read the full post here.