OK SBs- I’m writing at about 11 on a Sunday. A witching hour of sorts for SBs, since many of you are waking up just about now feeling like- your head was crushed in a giant nutcracker? And you’re wondering- WTF did I do last night with- OMG- no, not… And yet, there she is, lying next to you snoring like a buzz saw, the woman you met- where? And how? Did you use…?

OK let’s set aside those questions and think about dinner tonight. Albeit you won’t be able to think about food til like 9 at night if at all. Like prior recipes, this will help separate SBs into the categories of food slobs and food snobs. We aim to provide advice and assistance to both, but since your humble correspondence falls into the first category, I will need to give you what I know about cooking. Which is NEXT TO NOTHING! If you on the other hand are in the food snob category- we recommend you look away, the following scenes may contain violence to your delicate sensibilities.

So- IF you’re in the food slob category, AND you don’t want to or can’t afford to go out for dinner every night, AND you refuse to eat at Mickey D’s every night (not that that’s a bad thing…): here’s a food slob recipe for you:

Mac and Cheese and… ANYTHING

Ingredients:

• Kraft Mac and Cheese (or some other kind but Kraft is like $1.00 and practically invented the mass market category! And your kids will probably like it if you are nuts enough to make dinner for them…)

• Olive oil

• Something else

Directions:

• Follow instructions on the box for the mac and cheese (even a monkey could do it, hence me…).

• While the mac is boiling, you are first nuking something else in the microwave, a vegetable is good, it can be almost anything. I find corn to be a good neutral veggie for insertion in mac n cheese. Or Brussels sprouts (if you go in for that sort of thing). Or cauliflower or shrooms. First you nuke it, then you saute it in olive oil to avoid sogginess and add a little- oomph.

• B.t.w. ground beef works well too, ideally with one other ingredient like- again, shrooms or something.

• When the mac is ready, remember to put the cheese powder on the mac RIGHT AFTER you take it out of the pot. And leave a little water on the mac to help melt the cheese. Stir thoroughly before adding a little milk (if you’re not lactose intolerant, dispensable if you are). The finer points of making boxed mac and cheese from someone with experience!

• Once the mac is enbowled (should there be an expression for ‘bowling’ something like mac? No? OK then once it’s in its bowl, whatever: Add the other ingredient(s), plate it, serve it, gobble it down like the pigs we all are…

• And you might want to think about a salad on the side or something.

Et voila- cheap, cheerful, arguably bad for you but isn’t everything and if you do get those extra five years of life from 90 to 95 from being a f-ing vegan, is it REALLY worth it, since you will be a near-vegetable anyway- I mean really what is the quality of life those extra years you get by painstakingly spending like years of your life (cumulatively) sorting out your food situation and annoying everyone you know to be a vegan??? Just do what I do and take anti-cholesterol meds and delude yourself that that’s enough…. OK I will shut up now.